Out There

I stroked my cat as we sat outside on the porch. I squinted my eyes at the sun setting at the horizon.

“Amanda! Amanda, there you are,” My caregiver, Eleanor, came to look for me.

“Hello, Eleanor. Look at the sun, isn’t it beautiful,” I smiled.

“Yes, it sure is. We have to be inside before it sets though, so please come inside as soon as possible, yeah?”

“I will, just… Let me enjoy this a bit longer, with Ms. Kathy here,” I smiled at my cat, as she purred.

“Okay, I’ll call you when dinner is ready,” Eleanor got back inside the house.

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I got in the house with Ms. Kathy, and Eleanor was serving dinner. Eleanor looked outside. The sun was slowly disappearing on the horizon.

“Clear day today. Would be great to stay out and watch the sun set all the way, but you know.”

I sighed, “Yeah, I am old but not ready yet.”

Eleanor smiled and shut the thick blinds.

We were eating our dinner and started to hear the wind whistle outside, as we did every night.

“So, how was your day?” Eleanor smiled at me.

“Pretty good, it is always nice to get some fresh air.”

Eleanor finished eating and started to clean up.

I looked at her, then down at Ms. Kathy, purring as she rubbed her head and brushed her tail against my leg. I smiled and patted her.

I couldn’t help but noticed my wrinkly hands as they pat my cat. Her fur was also turning white at some spots and she could no longer jump onto the chairs with her weakening legs.

“We are both getting old, aren’t we?”

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The days went pass, and I started to notice the shakiness in my hands.

In the morning right after sunrise, a record keeper would go to each household to mark down how many people went outside the night before.

“I heard there were 14,” Eleanor said, while watching the news.

“Ahh,” I said.

I got up and tried to take my bowl to the kitchen, but my hands started to shake, and it fell on the ground. I tried to move back quickly but I almost fell.

Eleanor jumped up to help stop me from falling and assisted me to a chair.

“I will deal with this, don’t worry,” Eleanor said, getting the dustpan and broom.

I sat there and looked at Eleanor.

“I think it is time.”

Eleanor looked at me in shock as she quickly swept the broken bowl away.

“No, no, you are still healthy,” She said.

“Yeah, but I can feel myself getting old and I don’t think I want to continue watching myself deteriorate.”

Eleanor stayed silent.

“I want to keep my image in this community,” I smiled.

Eleanor continued to be silent, knowing that I made up my mind.

She sighed and kept cleaning.


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I sat outside and looked at the sunset.

“Another beautiful day,” I smiled, stroking Ms. Kathy.

Ms. Kathy licked her paw.

The sun slowly set, closing in on the horizon.

“Come on, you should go inside,” I said to Ms. Kathy.

She looked at me, then at the horizon, and had no intention of moving.

“Ms. Kathy…” I slowly got up and tried to get her through the cat door. She struggled her hardest and stayed by my side.

I sighed and smiled at her as I sat back on the bench. She jumped onto my lap.

Eleanor started to shut the blinds from the inside. She looked at me, smiled with tears in her eyes, nodded, and proceeded.

I looked at the horizon and Ms. Kathy looked on with me. Then I looked around, and saw other people sitting outside, waiting, like me.

The sun set completely.

I heard the wind whistling, as I started to see a bright light.

The bright light quickly surrounded me and…

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©Yolanda Yip (Wintsarye)

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