The Past and the Now
“Please, Amara, I’m sorry.”
“I just… need some time,” I shook my head and opened the front door.
“Please don’t leave me,” Kadison begged.
“I’m… I don’t think I will. I am just going to go on this trip. When I get back, maybe I’ll get it figured out.”
Kadison started crying.
“I will be here,” He said, “I’ll think about what I did and how I can be better.”
I sighed and left from the front door.
I entered my car and started the engine. The sound of the engine revving soothed me, as I started to drive to the destination.
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I arrived at the destination and saw my friends.
“Hi! It is you! Amara!” Joey put her arms around me.
“Yeah, yeah, it is me,” I smiled as I looked around.
My eyes met with Maddox’s.
“Come on, most of them came!” Joey pulled me towards them.
“I thought we said we didn’t even like high school reunion trips,” I laughed, “Especially if our class teacher hosted it.”
“Yeah, but this is a fun one! We get to stay here overnight! We get to go on a flat-bottomed boat! Just down that river there!” Joey pointed at the river.
I looked out to the river. The waters were calm and there were willows near it. The clear blue sky reflected on the calm waters, as I spotted an old dock with a flat-bottomed boat attached to it.
“Wow, that is beautiful.”
“I know right!” Joey exclaimed, “Come on, let’s get some champagne. They got some over there.”
I got to the dining table with the glasses of champagne and Maddox came to me. I picked up a glass.
“Hey,” He said.
“Hi.”
“So, how are you?”
“I mean,” I gestured to my glass of champagne.
“Oh, yes. I should get some for myself too,” He got one glass for himself.
“Well, yeah, of course.”
Maddox looked at me and smiled.
“You know, you…”
“I don’t know if I am ready to talk to you just yet.”
Maddox looked at me.
“Okay,” Maddox said, bowed slightly and walked away.
I looked at him as Ryleigh came towards me.
“Ooo Maddox. I remember you used to have an interesting friendship with him.”
“I mean, that was before he admitted that I was an emotional rebound for his failed confession to Nevaeh and stopped talking to me over the phone,” I drank more champagne.
The champagne tasted bitterer, as I recounted the events, “Plus he also ignored me when I was around, didn’t help me when I needed it…”
“Oh goodness, I forgot about that,” Ryleigh looked at me, “I’m sorry about that.”
“No, it is okay. I just have to let it go… but it is hard after everything that happened back then,” I sighed.
“Yeah, 5 years is not enough sometimes,” Ryleigh smiled.
I patted on her shoulder.
“Well, anyways. What happened to you?”
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“Yes! Boat! Hell yeah!” Joey got on the boat with excitement.
“Just be careful there, please, Joey,” Our teacher smiled, “I still remember how you broke your desk because you ran into it and it fell.”
“That was only me back then, not now,” Joey laughed, as she almost fell out of the boat from walking too fast.
She balanced herself.
“Alright, take it slow now,” I laughed and got on the boat as well.
“So, who would like to steer it?”
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We rowed on the quiet river into the horizon, as Maddox looked at me the entire time. I pretended to not notice, but I did.
I looked back at him and he looked away.
“Here it is!” Our teacher said.
It looked like a wooden maze of sorts, with a dock in front of the entrance.
“I built this maze with my husband because we wanted to have something to do when we were not in the house or working,” My teacher said, smiling.
“A wooden maze sounds amazing, let’s explore,” Ryleigh smiled at me and hopped off the boat.
We got inside the maze and there were tunnels and ropes. It was very elaborate and blended in nicely with the trees surrounding and in between it.
I walked with them as I watched them exclaim whenever there was a new discovery.
“Oh, my goodness! You have a hedgehog sculpture here?!”
“Yeah, I got that from a thrift shop.”
I smiled and Ryleigh walked beside me.
“This is like life isn’t it. Finding interesting things along the way, while having to navigate and explore the unknown. By the end of it, we will look back to see how much we’ve walked and lived,” She smiled.
I smiled and thought about Kadison.
Maddox was behind us and we kept walking until we reached the end of the maze.
“Phew, that’s it!” My teacher said.
“Well, that was impressive. Now do we have to walk back through it again?” Joey asked.
“Oh, no, there is another way. We can walk by the riverside and get back on the boat,” My teacher smiled.
I turned around and Maddox was behind me.
“Look, I am sorry, Amara. I didn’t know what to do about you, or me, and I didn’t know how to navigate through whatever I felt. I am sorry that I said you were a rebound. You deserved so much more than that and I figured that out after we stopped talking,” He said, looking into my eyes.
“Wow. So, you came to that conclusion after the maze. How fascinating,” I said, walking away.
“I know this is all…”
“Too late? Yes, Maddox. It is.”
Maddox stopped dead in his tracks, and I turned around as I realised that.
“You know, you are still as beautifully stubborn as you were.”
My heart pounded a bit.
I stayed silent and kept walking behind the group.
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“Finally!” Joey exclaimed as she got back on the boat, more carefully this time.
“Yeah, alright anyone else want to row us back?”
I sat in a spot and Maddox sat next to me.
The boat started to move as I looked at the sun setting.
“That is beautiful,” I looked at the horizon, with Maddox between me and the horizon.
“I know,” Maddox turned to look at me.
I looked away and his hand started reaching for mine. I looked at him and his hand, as they slowly started to meet.
Maddox and I held hands as he looked at me.
“Are you free tonight after dinner?” I asked.
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We got back and everyone packed their things. Someone turned on the TV and I saw that there was a power outage due to strong winds, in the town I lived in.
“Alright, I got rooms and the living room if people don’t mind sleeping on the sofa,” Our teacher said.
“Cool, cool,” Joey smiled and ran upstairs.
“Be careful!” Our teacher yelled.
Maddox looked at me.
“Do you think you’ll stay the night as well? Or do you need to go home to check on things?” Ryleigh asked.
“I am still thinking,” I said.
“Well, I’ll save a space for you,” She smiled and went upstairs.
I looked at my phone and tried to call Kadison.
No answer.
“Silly man, always leaving your phone flat,” I murmured.
I thought to myself for a bit and Maddox sat next to me.
“I reckon I’ll find a room with my friend as well,” He said.
“Okay,” I wasn’t paying attention.
“Alright,” He went upstairs.
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I sat down in the living room. I looked at my phone and started playing with it.
No messages.
I started tapping on my feet and tried not to let tears escape my eye sockets.
Then, I saw Maddox walking back downstairs.
He smiled at me, “See you tonight.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t do that anymore.”
“What? Why?”
“I…” I looked away and sighed, “I can’t.”
“Another night? Another day then?”
“No, I’m sorry. This was a mistake.”
“I… It is okay. I’m sorry that we missed our first chance and now… Seems like our paths just won’t cross, aye?”
I smiled at him, stood up and gave him a hug.
“Thank you.”
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I drove through the night and saw Kadison sitting on the porch.
He was asleep.
I squatted down and patted his knee lightly.
He quickly woke up, “Amara!”
“Yes, it is me.”
He hugged me tightly.
“My phone ran out of battery and the power outage... I wanted to call…”
“It is okay.”
I let go of him and looked at him, deeply in his eyes, “Kadison, I love you. You know this is hard for me. I want to make it work.”
“I’ll try my best, I promise.”
Kadison hugged me tightly.
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©Yolanda Yip (Wintsarye)
“I just… need some time,” I shook my head and opened the front door.
“Please don’t leave me,” Kadison begged.
“I’m… I don’t think I will. I am just going to go on this trip. When I get back, maybe I’ll get it figured out.”
Kadison started crying.
“I will be here,” He said, “I’ll think about what I did and how I can be better.”
I sighed and left from the front door.
I entered my car and started the engine. The sound of the engine revving soothed me, as I started to drive to the destination.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I arrived at the destination and saw my friends.
“Hi! It is you! Amara!” Joey put her arms around me.
“Yeah, yeah, it is me,” I smiled as I looked around.
My eyes met with Maddox’s.
“Come on, most of them came!” Joey pulled me towards them.
“I thought we said we didn’t even like high school reunion trips,” I laughed, “Especially if our class teacher hosted it.”
“Yeah, but this is a fun one! We get to stay here overnight! We get to go on a flat-bottomed boat! Just down that river there!” Joey pointed at the river.
I looked out to the river. The waters were calm and there were willows near it. The clear blue sky reflected on the calm waters, as I spotted an old dock with a flat-bottomed boat attached to it.
“Wow, that is beautiful.”
“I know right!” Joey exclaimed, “Come on, let’s get some champagne. They got some over there.”
I got to the dining table with the glasses of champagne and Maddox came to me. I picked up a glass.
“Hey,” He said.
“Hi.”
“So, how are you?”
“I mean,” I gestured to my glass of champagne.
“Oh, yes. I should get some for myself too,” He got one glass for himself.
“Well, yeah, of course.”
Maddox looked at me and smiled.
“You know, you…”
“I don’t know if I am ready to talk to you just yet.”
Maddox looked at me.
“Okay,” Maddox said, bowed slightly and walked away.
I looked at him as Ryleigh came towards me.
“Ooo Maddox. I remember you used to have an interesting friendship with him.”
“I mean, that was before he admitted that I was an emotional rebound for his failed confession to Nevaeh and stopped talking to me over the phone,” I drank more champagne.
The champagne tasted bitterer, as I recounted the events, “Plus he also ignored me when I was around, didn’t help me when I needed it…”
“Oh goodness, I forgot about that,” Ryleigh looked at me, “I’m sorry about that.”
“No, it is okay. I just have to let it go… but it is hard after everything that happened back then,” I sighed.
“Yeah, 5 years is not enough sometimes,” Ryleigh smiled.
I patted on her shoulder.
“Well, anyways. What happened to you?”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Yes! Boat! Hell yeah!” Joey got on the boat with excitement.
“Just be careful there, please, Joey,” Our teacher smiled, “I still remember how you broke your desk because you ran into it and it fell.”
“That was only me back then, not now,” Joey laughed, as she almost fell out of the boat from walking too fast.
She balanced herself.
“Alright, take it slow now,” I laughed and got on the boat as well.
“So, who would like to steer it?”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We rowed on the quiet river into the horizon, as Maddox looked at me the entire time. I pretended to not notice, but I did.
I looked back at him and he looked away.
“Here it is!” Our teacher said.
It looked like a wooden maze of sorts, with a dock in front of the entrance.
“I built this maze with my husband because we wanted to have something to do when we were not in the house or working,” My teacher said, smiling.
“A wooden maze sounds amazing, let’s explore,” Ryleigh smiled at me and hopped off the boat.
We got inside the maze and there were tunnels and ropes. It was very elaborate and blended in nicely with the trees surrounding and in between it.
I walked with them as I watched them exclaim whenever there was a new discovery.
“Oh, my goodness! You have a hedgehog sculpture here?!”
“Yeah, I got that from a thrift shop.”
I smiled and Ryleigh walked beside me.
“This is like life isn’t it. Finding interesting things along the way, while having to navigate and explore the unknown. By the end of it, we will look back to see how much we’ve walked and lived,” She smiled.
I smiled and thought about Kadison.
Maddox was behind us and we kept walking until we reached the end of the maze.
“Phew, that’s it!” My teacher said.
“Well, that was impressive. Now do we have to walk back through it again?” Joey asked.
“Oh, no, there is another way. We can walk by the riverside and get back on the boat,” My teacher smiled.
I turned around and Maddox was behind me.
“Look, I am sorry, Amara. I didn’t know what to do about you, or me, and I didn’t know how to navigate through whatever I felt. I am sorry that I said you were a rebound. You deserved so much more than that and I figured that out after we stopped talking,” He said, looking into my eyes.
“Wow. So, you came to that conclusion after the maze. How fascinating,” I said, walking away.
“I know this is all…”
“Too late? Yes, Maddox. It is.”
Maddox stopped dead in his tracks, and I turned around as I realised that.
“You know, you are still as beautifully stubborn as you were.”
My heart pounded a bit.
I stayed silent and kept walking behind the group.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Finally!” Joey exclaimed as she got back on the boat, more carefully this time.
“Yeah, alright anyone else want to row us back?”
I sat in a spot and Maddox sat next to me.
The boat started to move as I looked at the sun setting.
“That is beautiful,” I looked at the horizon, with Maddox between me and the horizon.
“I know,” Maddox turned to look at me.
I looked away and his hand started reaching for mine. I looked at him and his hand, as they slowly started to meet.
Maddox and I held hands as he looked at me.
“Are you free tonight after dinner?” I asked.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We got back and everyone packed their things. Someone turned on the TV and I saw that there was a power outage due to strong winds, in the town I lived in.
“Alright, I got rooms and the living room if people don’t mind sleeping on the sofa,” Our teacher said.
“Cool, cool,” Joey smiled and ran upstairs.
“Be careful!” Our teacher yelled.
Maddox looked at me.
“Do you think you’ll stay the night as well? Or do you need to go home to check on things?” Ryleigh asked.
“I am still thinking,” I said.
“Well, I’ll save a space for you,” She smiled and went upstairs.
I looked at my phone and tried to call Kadison.
No answer.
“Silly man, always leaving your phone flat,” I murmured.
I thought to myself for a bit and Maddox sat next to me.
“I reckon I’ll find a room with my friend as well,” He said.
“Okay,” I wasn’t paying attention.
“Alright,” He went upstairs.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I sat down in the living room. I looked at my phone and started playing with it.
No messages.
I started tapping on my feet and tried not to let tears escape my eye sockets.
Then, I saw Maddox walking back downstairs.
He smiled at me, “See you tonight.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t do that anymore.”
“What? Why?”
“I…” I looked away and sighed, “I can’t.”
“Another night? Another day then?”
“No, I’m sorry. This was a mistake.”
“I… It is okay. I’m sorry that we missed our first chance and now… Seems like our paths just won’t cross, aye?”
I smiled at him, stood up and gave him a hug.
“Thank you.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I drove through the night and saw Kadison sitting on the porch.
He was asleep.
I squatted down and patted his knee lightly.
He quickly woke up, “Amara!”
“Yes, it is me.”
He hugged me tightly.
“My phone ran out of battery and the power outage... I wanted to call…”
“It is okay.”
I let go of him and looked at him, deeply in his eyes, “Kadison, I love you. You know this is hard for me. I want to make it work.”
“I’ll try my best, I promise.”
Kadison hugged me tightly.
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©Yolanda Yip (Wintsarye)
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