Twist and Tear | Chapter 6: The Big Day
“Are you sure you are happy, darling?” My mum asked me, as she walked in my apartment with her husband.
“Yes, I am.”
I could not be happier.
It was my wedding day, a day I had never dreamt of, because I never believed in happy endings.
Was I being sarcastic? Sarcasm has never been on brand for me. I had always been realistic, been believing and completely honest.
And I was happy.
I was marrying a man I wanted and felt a lot for. For the past year or so of dating Keson, my feelings for him never reduced.
In fact, it had grown stronger and stronger.
It was just him whom I doubted. I doubted that he really did love me back the same.
But maybe it was just in my head.
I had always been the one who doubted love, and all my past boyfriends have been saying that I submitted too much to reality that they never seemed to be able to feel me, or my love. Maybe I never loved them, but this time it was true, it was real, and I could not ignore my feelings for him.
But it was all too good.
My dad came over and looked at me, tearfully.
“You are so pretty,” He said.
I smiled at him brightly.
“I will be fine mum, dad,” I said to both of them.
My mum covered her mouth to stop herself from crying, or to stop herself from letting me see her cry.
They really did see me mature and step into another stage of my life, even though they always knew I was more mature than the average.
Was that why they might be shocked? Because I was getting married when I was that young, just more than a year after my university graduation?
“I hope he treats you well,” My dad said, “Or I will make him pay.”
“He will, I’m sure,” I smiled.
I might even end up being the one who would treat him badly.
A thought crossed my mind.
I finally got the chance to meet Keson’s sister. She was young, looked well dressed and pretty.
“Royane! I have heard so much about you,” She smiled brightly, “I cannot believe this is the first time I see you.”
“I am delighted to see you too,” I said to her, smiling.
“I will miss my brother so much when you guys are away,” She said, wiping off some tears from her eyes.
We were going to live in my apartment which was initially my parent’s property. After my mum remarried, she moved out with her husband and my dad left a long time ago, so they left the property to me.
“Don’t worry, you will always get the chance to see him,” I smiled at her.
She had a great smile, even better than her brother’s. She looked so innocent and naïve.
I could not believe anyone who would want to hurt her, and I was sure Keson and her bond was so strong that if I broke Keson’s heart, she would be the one running behind me with a knife.
She might be too kind-hearted to do so though.
Meeting Keson’s parents was not anything too overwhelming. We met before the wedding. They understood our situation and that even though my parents divorced, I still chose my dad to take me down the aisle. However, they seemed to feel like their son was sacrificing too much for me, since he spent so much time with me when we were dating that he almost never went home for dinner. Maybe they thought I was a bad influence.
Before I went out to the hall with dad, I looked in the mirror.
I was nervous but the girl looking back at me seemed so calm and beautiful.
This is the day, it might last this time.
It might.
I inhaled and exhaled.
Please don’t embarrass yourself, Royane, like the very first time you met him.
I finally took the courage to walk down the aisle.
With dad beside me, people around us, and ahead with Keson in his best suit looking at me fondly.
He looked so handsome, so sincere.
How could I get such a trustworthy man as my husband, and how could I still be doubtful?
As my dad let go of my hand and handed me over to Keson, looking into his eyes made all my worries go away.
This day was so perfect, so dreamy, and so unrealistic.
I was getting scared, trembling, but my feet never listened to my brain or heart. I stood there and got married to this man whom I loved, thinking he didn’t love me back.
He does, stop worrying.
A more optimistic voice in my head tried to make myself less afraid. Maybe this was the anxiety people said you get before getting married, being committed.
I was not scared of commitment, and I was not scared of commitment to Keson. I knew that he would never cheat on me. I trusted him so much.
Even though I trusted him, I still didn’t feel that he loved me as much.
“Yes, I am.”
I could not be happier.
It was my wedding day, a day I had never dreamt of, because I never believed in happy endings.
Was I being sarcastic? Sarcasm has never been on brand for me. I had always been realistic, been believing and completely honest.
And I was happy.
I was marrying a man I wanted and felt a lot for. For the past year or so of dating Keson, my feelings for him never reduced.
In fact, it had grown stronger and stronger.
It was just him whom I doubted. I doubted that he really did love me back the same.
But maybe it was just in my head.
I had always been the one who doubted love, and all my past boyfriends have been saying that I submitted too much to reality that they never seemed to be able to feel me, or my love. Maybe I never loved them, but this time it was true, it was real, and I could not ignore my feelings for him.
But it was all too good.
My dad came over and looked at me, tearfully.
“You are so pretty,” He said.
I smiled at him brightly.
“I will be fine mum, dad,” I said to both of them.
My mum covered her mouth to stop herself from crying, or to stop herself from letting me see her cry.
They really did see me mature and step into another stage of my life, even though they always knew I was more mature than the average.
Was that why they might be shocked? Because I was getting married when I was that young, just more than a year after my university graduation?
“I hope he treats you well,” My dad said, “Or I will make him pay.”
“He will, I’m sure,” I smiled.
I might even end up being the one who would treat him badly.
A thought crossed my mind.
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“Royane! I have heard so much about you,” She smiled brightly, “I cannot believe this is the first time I see you.”
“I am delighted to see you too,” I said to her, smiling.
“I will miss my brother so much when you guys are away,” She said, wiping off some tears from her eyes.
We were going to live in my apartment which was initially my parent’s property. After my mum remarried, she moved out with her husband and my dad left a long time ago, so they left the property to me.
“Don’t worry, you will always get the chance to see him,” I smiled at her.
She had a great smile, even better than her brother’s. She looked so innocent and naïve.
I could not believe anyone who would want to hurt her, and I was sure Keson and her bond was so strong that if I broke Keson’s heart, she would be the one running behind me with a knife.
She might be too kind-hearted to do so though.
Meeting Keson’s parents was not anything too overwhelming. We met before the wedding. They understood our situation and that even though my parents divorced, I still chose my dad to take me down the aisle. However, they seemed to feel like their son was sacrificing too much for me, since he spent so much time with me when we were dating that he almost never went home for dinner. Maybe they thought I was a bad influence.
Before I went out to the hall with dad, I looked in the mirror.
I was nervous but the girl looking back at me seemed so calm and beautiful.
This is the day, it might last this time.
It might.
I inhaled and exhaled.
Please don’t embarrass yourself, Royane, like the very first time you met him.
I finally took the courage to walk down the aisle.
With dad beside me, people around us, and ahead with Keson in his best suit looking at me fondly.
He looked so handsome, so sincere.
How could I get such a trustworthy man as my husband, and how could I still be doubtful?
As my dad let go of my hand and handed me over to Keson, looking into his eyes made all my worries go away.
This day was so perfect, so dreamy, and so unrealistic.
I was getting scared, trembling, but my feet never listened to my brain or heart. I stood there and got married to this man whom I loved, thinking he didn’t love me back.
He does, stop worrying.
A more optimistic voice in my head tried to make myself less afraid. Maybe this was the anxiety people said you get before getting married, being committed.
I was not scared of commitment, and I was not scared of commitment to Keson. I knew that he would never cheat on me. I trusted him so much.
Even though I trusted him, I still didn’t feel that he loved me as much.
But did that really matter?
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©Yolanda Yip (Wintsarye)
©Yolanda Yip (Wintsarye)
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